How to Overcome the Fear of Being Seen & Heard
The principal focus of today's discourse revolves around the formidable challenge of overcoming the pervasive fear of being seen and heard, particularly as it pertains to women. This episode endeavors to elucidate the multifaceted origins of such trepidations, which often stem from cultural conditioning and personal experiences that have shaped our perceptions of self-expression. I share my own journey of grappling with these fears, highlighting the internal conflicts that arise when one is compelled to navigate societal expectations while striving for authenticity. We also explore practical methodologies to confront and surmount these fears, emphasizing the significance of acknowledging and regulating one's emotional state in the face of vulnerability. Through this dialogue, we aim to empower individuals to embrace their voices, fostering a more profound connection to their authentic selves and facilitating a transformative journey toward self-expression.
Takeaways:
- In this episode, we explore the profound impact of cultural conditioning on women's ability to express themselves freely and authentically.
- Overcoming the fear of being seen and heard is essential for personal growth, particularly for women who often face societal pressures.
- I share personal anecdotes illustrating my own struggles with self-expression, highlighting the importance of confronting and understanding these fears.
- We discuss practical exercises to cultivate self-awareness and comfort in expressing oneself, emphasizing the role of safe spaces.
- The conversation delves into the historical context of women's voices being suppressed, underlining the need for reclaiming one's authentic voice today.
- Ultimately, we encourage listeners to practice vulnerability and self-acceptance as they embark on their journeys of self-expression.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Foreign welcome back to Music Is My Mantra, where we discuss all things music and wellness.
Speaker A:Today we'll be diving into overcoming the fear of being seen and heard, which is a big one, especially for us ladies.
Speaker A:I'm very excited to get into it with you.
Speaker A:If you've been listening since the beginning of the year.
Speaker A:Thank you so much.
Speaker A:This month we're diving into a little miniseries about awakening your self expression.
Speaker A:And so next week be sure to tune in as we discuss how to awaken your authentic voice, which is a very trendy word these days with social media and being authentic, all those things.
Speaker A:But before we get ahead of ourselves, back to today, I'll have taught my very first vocal alchemy class and I can't wait.
Speaker A:I start that on Tuesday.
Speaker A:So just a quick reminder, if you are in the Los Angeles area, you can join me in person Every Tuesday at 6pm at Pure Heart Collective in Sherman Oaks.
Speaker A:In April, I'll be starting a monthly online circle.
Speaker A:So if you're listening from Not Los Angeles, you can join me there and we're gonna have some fun.
Speaker A:Overcoming the fear of being seen and heard.
Speaker A:As you may not know, this is definitely something that I've had to work through since now here I am in front of a camera.
Speaker A:If you're watching on YouTube, I'm putting my voice out there through a podcast, but I haven't always been this eloquent.
Speaker A:Do you ever feel like your voice is too soft or do you shrink when it comes time for you to speak in public?
Speaker A:Having a fear of being seen and heard, especially like I said, for us ladies, is super common.
Speaker A:I'll go into a few reasons why this is of, you know, the cultural conditioning which you may already be aware of.
Speaker A:I wanted to share just a personal story for context.
Speaker A:First, if you've listened to the last few episodes, I've mentioned a few different times about being afraid to sing.
Speaker A:When I was just starting out, I believe it was last week's episode.
Speaker A:I share that growing up, I used to sing all the time.
Speaker A:I would get reprimanded or scolded for being too loud or even just not thinking before I would say something right.
Speaker A:Think before you speak.
Speaker A:All of these things and your own personal upbringing can definitely have an impact on the way that you show up in the world.
Speaker A:But the the thing that people may not know is that typically when we're afraid to show up as ourselves or to be seen or to be heard right first, we can't show up as ourself without being comfortable and feeling okay, enough feeling safe to be seen or to be heard.
Speaker A:So this is why it's important we talk about this today.
Speaker A:I've always been the type of person who wants to sort of lean into the fear a little bit, because for me, it's just not worth it to let fear hold me back.
Speaker A:But where things get tricky is when your fear is a little bit more unconscious.
Speaker A:You may be self sabotaging yourself without even realizing it.
Speaker A: ying shows every weekend from: Speaker A:Now, I've always done social media, but I was afraid to be seen.
Speaker A:I wanted to grow my following to 10k, 15k.
Speaker A:I wanted to go viral because I knew that, technically speaking, more eyes would help to get my music out there and that would help me to book better gigs and so on and so forth.
Speaker A:The growth that I was experiencing felt safe.
Speaker A:I would make up every excuse in the book as to why I wouldn't work on my content.
Speaker A:Most of those were like, I don't have enough time, or just kind of playing the victim card.
Speaker A:Like, why do I have to make content?
Speaker A:I'm a musician.
Speaker A:But the reality is that a couple of years ago, it was easier than ever to grow on Instagram and on TikTok as well.
Speaker A: t a TikTok really until about: Speaker A:Using social media and learning how to do it as a tool is the best free way of advertising.
Speaker A:It's the best way to get eyes on your product or on your music, your artistry, whatever it is you're putting out there.
Speaker A:If you find yourself making excuses for not doing something that you actually do want, chances are you have a hidden fear of being seen or being heard.
Speaker A:That's really part of learning to know yourself.
Speaker A:If you want to take a minute, if you have a space in your phone or something to write down any thoughts, if this is bringing up any moments where maybe you can start to wonder, just be curious, like, oh, is the reason why I'm procrastinating actually an underlying fear that I haven't identified yet?
Speaker A:Like, if you've always wanted to sing, you keep saying, I need to take lessons first or I don't know how to sing.
Speaker A:Lessons are expensive.
Speaker A:Maybe you have a small business that makes jewelry or stationery.
Speaker A:I don't know, you might have some cool custom stationery.
Speaker A:That's old school, but I love stationery or, you know, a product on Etsy or something.
Speaker A:Not having time is really just an excuse for something else because we can always make time.
Speaker A:And of course, we might have different priorities and maybe that thing is just not a priority.
Speaker A:But if you really want to grow, if you really want to sing or become the speaker or even just become more confident and comfortable with yourself, these things are things that we first have to identify or start to get curious about so that we can understand where our beliefs lie and then we can get to work.
Speaker A:So what does that work look like?
Speaker A:We're going to get into it today.
Speaker A:But first I just wanted to give a little more context.
Speaker A:So if you're not so sure, if you have these limiting beliefs or these fears around being seen and heard, let me give you a few reasons why it's so common for women to have these fears.
Speaker A:So there's a lot here.
Speaker A:When we think about cultural conditioning, there are so many different layers to this.
Speaker A:So just starting off as a woman or as a female, it is Women's History month.
Speaker A:So this is also relevant in context of the year.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker A:We didn't even have the right to vote until around 100 years ago.
Speaker A:We couldn't have a credit card or take out a line of credit to buy a house or something until the 80s.
Speaker A:So women have always been controlled or protected by men.
Speaker A:I say controlled or protected because the right way is that we are meant to be in relationship with men and we can be protected.
Speaker A:The dark side of that is that men are built very differently than us.
Speaker A:There has been this controlling narrative of women.
Speaker A:Instead of working more as like a partnership and understanding the dynamics of what that looks like.
Speaker A:One way this shows up is what we call the witch wound.
Speaker A:This comes from think of like the Salem witch trials, when people were so afraid of the intuitive and healing powers of women that there would be witch hunts and women would get burned at the stake.
Speaker A:They would be drowned to death.
Speaker A:Even if they didn't do anything, they would just blame women.
Speaker A:Because you can imagine a number of reasons.
Speaker A:If you ever heard of the Salem witch trials or any kind of witch hunt, this was a very real time in history when women were just being blamed for anything and everything.
Speaker A:And sometimes maybe they might have done something wrong, but it was always trying to find who did what, to blame something on somebody.
Speaker A:Obviously that might sound crazy in today's world because we have come a very long way.
Speaker A:But trauma does get passed down in our cellular DNA from generation to generation.
Speaker A:This is a very real unconscious fear that is genetic in our bloodstream.
Speaker A:If you think more to present times, there's a bunch of sayings that go around like the one I mentioned earlier.
Speaker A:Think before you speak.
Speaker A:There's kind of.
Speaker A:This maybe outdated nowadays, but it's.
Speaker A:You still probably have heard it before.
Speaker A:It's like children are meant to be seen, not heard.
Speaker A:Because to be a good little girl or a good little boy when we're meant to be proper angels, right?
Speaker A:We weren't all growing, we weren't all raised in a.
Speaker A:A place where we were allowed to explore and play and be a child.
Speaker A:We were often forced into these positions of growing up really quickly.
Speaker A:Another example that reinforces this stereotype of cultural conditioning that women are meant to be objects is, is celebrity culture.
Speaker A:Because people will put celebrities on a pedestal or even reality TV people on a pedestal.
Speaker A:Like we've talked about American Idol, for example.
Speaker A:If we see them performing on TV automatically we think that they're better than us.
Speaker A:And that creates a divide and we're no longer just humans connecting with our human talents and natural abilities.
Speaker A:The things that are curated to TV are often out of context.
Speaker A:So if somebody goes to try out for American Idol, a lot of them have not only a compelling story because that is what makes good television, but what you don't see is that this artist may have been working on their career already for a decade before they go on there and they kill it.
Speaker A:Celebrity culture reinforces this idea that we're meant to be perfect, that we're meant to be incredible right out the the gate.
Speaker A:Even artists, when they're.
Speaker A:When they break, oftentimes when you see an artist who is up for best new Record or best new artist of the Year, they've been hustling for a decade plus.
Speaker A:They may have even put records out three years ago and their song is just taking off.
Speaker A:From my perspective, it's very unrealistic because without context, our mind makes up the these stories that are just not real.
Speaker A:But in TV land, it's very fantastical.
Speaker A:Everything that we see makes it harder for us to believe that it can happen to us or that it can happen for us because we don't see all the hard work that it takes to get there.
Speaker A:Let's talk about the workforce.
Speaker A:Corporate culture, aside from celebrity culture, is also not super healthy when it comes to having our voice or our image or ourselves be seen or heard.
Speaker A:Oftentimes, we are meant to be molded into this box and we're hired for a role because we have a resume that checks every little box.
Speaker A:That is the box that they're looking for for that role to be marketable.
Speaker A:As an employee.
Speaker A:We go to school or we do the training, whatever it is, so that we can show these people or the corporations that we fit their box.
Speaker A:And then when we get to work, we do what's expected of us.
Speaker A:We have reviews.
Speaker A:Everything is very structured in a way that we don't really get to think for ourselves.
Speaker A:If you are in a creative role, there may be some space for that.
Speaker A:Like you might get to decide if you put the text slightly more left as opposed to slightly more right if you're a graphic designer.
Speaker A:But oftentimes even then, you have to design within the brand guide of what is given to you.
Speaker A:So corporate culture, which is most of America, even perpetuates this idea of being seen and heard.
Speaker A:Things that are outside of the box are not safe, because to be safe is to keep our job and to do good.
Speaker A:This is even how kids were taught and basically groomed to go and to factory life.
Speaker A:Our entire society is built to be very restrictive when it comes to our own expression.
Speaker A:We're not as oppressed as a culture like Japan.
Speaker A: nk about the evolution of the: Speaker A:Since then, these ideas have created a ripple effect in our culture.
Speaker A: In the: Speaker A:Maybe your great grandparents, if you're watching this, and you're a little younger than I am, but you know, my mom was born in the 60s.
Speaker A:That's one generation away.
Speaker A:Everything that we're experiencing today is just one step away from the radical ideas of our parents.
Speaker A:We're still dealing with the genetic conditioning of culture that has told us, not just as women, but as Americans, that we need to be a certain way.
Speaker A:It's not necessarily safe for us to be seen or heard unless we know that we're right.
Speaker A:This all comes down to safety.
Speaker A:There's a massive, massive amount of pressure on us to be a certain way.
Speaker A:Aside from that, if you think of your childhood again, from Those ages of 0 to 7, if you have any experiences of being told to be quiet or maybe being punished for just laughing, having fun with your friends, being too loud, all of those things, especially if you were yelled at or physically punished for just Being a child, those are moments that you may not think that affect you now, but deep down and unconsciously, you may feel unsafe.
Speaker A:All of this comes back to safety, a feeling of safety, a feeling of our nervous system being able to relax.
Speaker A:And that's just before we even get to singing.
Speaker A:Let's do a little exercise that can help ground you.
Speaker A:And so anytime that you start to feel nervous or like you want to shrink away, either when you're amongst people or your family, someone you care about, if you start to feel that fear of being seen or being heard, or if you want to put yourself out there and it really starts to raise its little ugly head, this is a quick little exercise that you can do to help regulate your nervous system system.
Speaker A:If you go back to January, my episode that talks about the music my dad left me, I created a grounding meditation.
Speaker A:I highly recommend you go back and listen to that episode or at least visit the episode page on my website, where you can download the free meditation.
Speaker A:That grounding meditation is really beneficial before you do any sort of nervous system work, because it will really enhance any sort of nervous system practice that you do.
Speaker A:And if you don't have time for that, this is your next best option.
Speaker A:Aside from breathing, this is what we call a supportive hug.
Speaker A:You can stand or sit down for this.
Speaker A:Either way, you're going to take your right hand, place it under your left armpit.
Speaker A:Be sure to leave your thumb exposed.
Speaker A:So you just have your four fingers underneath your armpit and your thumb up like this.
Speaker A:Now we're going to take our left hand and we're going to gently grip our right arm just beneath the shoulder like that.
Speaker A:And now once we have our grip, just start to breathe into the space between your arms.
Speaker A:Take three deep breaths, and as you breathe, relax your shoulders, relax your sphincter, Relax into that hold, and just know that you got yourself.
Speaker A:Now, if you'd like, you can even use this mantra.
Speaker A:All of my emotions, no matter how overwhelming, can be safely contained here.
Speaker A:All of my emotions, no matter how overwhelming, can be safely contained here.
Speaker A:And as you take deep breaths into your chest and into your belly, feel your feet on the ground, feel this supportive hug that you have yourself.
Speaker A:You've got yourself.
Speaker A:You are safe.
Speaker A:You're safe within your body.
Speaker A:All right, Good job.
Speaker A:You can shake it out.
Speaker A:So that's the supportive hug.
Speaker A:It really does feel good.
Speaker A:The first step is awareness, right?
Speaker A:Because if we're not aware of our thoughts starting to race, or maybe we're starting to feel a little bit sweaty or we feel that lump in our throat, or we feel our shoulders start to go up to our ears, or we suddenly have butterflies and we wanna run away.
Speaker A:Any of those emotions that fear.
Speaker A:When you feel fear, it's time to stop and you can question where it comes from.
Speaker A:Remember, just get curious.
Speaker A:Another.
Speaker A:I think I've mentioned this before, but emotion of fear, fear and nervousness, nervousness and excitement come from the same place.
Speaker A:In this instance, we don't necessarily want to just bypass the feeling of fear.
Speaker A:We want to be able to feel it and let it go.
Speaker A:But the biggest thing to be seen and to start to gain that confidence is that we practice being seen, seen and we practice being heard.
Speaker A:After we set the intention of feeling safe in our body by doing the supportive hug, we can just change the narrative in our mind.
Speaker A:Like, oh my God, I'm gonna mess up.
Speaker A:I'm gonna sound so stupid, I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker A:Why don't you focus on saying I am safe.
Speaker A:I am safe.
Speaker A:I'm safe.
Speaker A:Because no matter what happens, if you stumble on your words, if you're singing and your voice cracks or you hit the wrong note, or you fall literally flat on your face, you trip as you're walking to go speak, whatever it is, maybe it's self sabotage and you don't even see it coming, right?
Speaker A:You tried.
Speaker A:You tried.
Speaker A:And the thing about failing is that you can't fail if you don't try.
Speaker A:That's where we get stuck.
Speaker A:That's where we don't try at all.
Speaker A:Because we're so afraid to fail.
Speaker A:We're so afraid to be punished.
Speaker A:Or the childhood wound is like, it's not safe to be seen.
Speaker A:Maybe I'll get reprimanded, maybe I'll get yelled at, maybe I'll get beaten.
Speaker A:All of these things can be unconscious, but we have to try, right?
Speaker A:So I'm safe.
Speaker A:Supportive hug, I am safe.
Speaker A:It is safe to try.
Speaker A:And then you try it.
Speaker A:And if you fail, you try it again.
Speaker A:Because the more that you try and the more that you practice, the easier it'll get and the more confident you'll become in whatever it is that you're trying to achieve.
Speaker A:Here's three more ways that you can practice being seen and heard.
Speaker A:First of all, if you do have vocal exercises or if you don't, come to my class and I'll give you some.
Speaker A:You can also practice the breathing exercises that I've had in the other episodes.
Speaker A:But really, we want to use our voice.
Speaker A:Breath work is good because it helps to regulate the nervous system.
Speaker A:But to actually practice being seen and heard, we have to use our voice.
Speaker A:We have to put ourselves out there.
Speaker A:Practicing at home will still build your confidence.
Speaker A:You might not be putting yourself out there to be seen or heard, but you're getting to know yourself and you're getting those the confidence within yourself to know that it's safe to do this, at least for yourself.
Speaker A:So that's step one.
Speaker A:Step two is to find a space, a safe space where you can actually start to put yourself out there.
Speaker A:And this is all about embracing that vulnerability.
Speaker A:It's really going to bring up those emotions where you get to practice regulating your nervous system and going for it.
Speaker A:A safe space, for example, would be my class every Tuesday at Pure Heart Collective in Sherman Oaks or my circle once a month that we'll start doing in April.
Speaker A:You can also there are some really cool communities in Los Angeles and New York that are singing in the round.
Speaker A:So this would be an amazing space to go and just practice your song.
Speaker A:If you go to church, singing in church is awesome.
Speaker A:No one is going to criticize your voice, how good or bad you are in church.
Speaker A:It's a great space to practice.
Speaker A:You can sing at the top of your lungs.
Speaker A:You can make mistakes.
Speaker A:Just practicing amongst other people without the pressure of having the spotlight on you will give you the confidence that will help to start working in your favor.
Speaker A:If you're not so into the idea of singing, but you're just listening to this podcast because you want to learn how to gain confidence and step into your authentic artistic self, then try speaking up for once in your work meeting or speaking what's on your mind at home or call up a friend that you haven't talked to in a while.
Speaker A:I will say that there is some awareness that needs to be had in this phase.
Speaker A:Because when you're starting to gain confidence, your confidence can easily be shot down.
Speaker A:If you do go to the wrong person.
Speaker A:Just be mindful who you call up and share this new epiphany with.
Speaker A:Because when you're just starting to gain your confidence, you really wanna start with yourself, your relationship to God or to spirit.
Speaker A:People can say things without thinking.
Speaker A:Sometimes if you've had experience in the past where someone has said something, even as a joke, that's related to your voice or triggered you in some sort of way.
Speaker A:I wouldn't start with them.
Speaker A:I would start in a safe space where you know that you won't be judged.
Speaker A:Because we have to learn to walk before we can run.
Speaker A:Going to somebody that potentially has offended you in the past is is basically like getting the legs kicked out from underneath you.
Speaker A:Don't do it.
Speaker A:It's just not worth it.
Speaker A:You got to protect your peace.
Speaker A:Number three Practice Mindfulness Tips for Releasing Self Judgment.
Speaker A:This is something that I've sort of talked in and out throughout the episodes, but really we have to give ourselves grace first.
Speaker A:Because let's just say we do mess up.
Speaker A:We're always our harshest critic.
Speaker A:Or maybe we do go to that person that we think is a safe person that we think is a safe space, and they say something that actually triggers us in some way.
Speaker A:We have to come back to ourselves and we have to realize that we're doing this, we're practicing, we're putting ourselves out there.
Speaker A:That's the work, that is the effort.
Speaker A:Give yourself that grace.
Speaker A:Because nothing happens overnight.
Speaker A:Again, it comes back to that lack of context with the news and celebrities and that sort of thing.
Speaker A:We're conditioned to think that things happen overnight and they don't.
Speaker A:I hope that's helpful.
Speaker A:Lots of good tips in this episode.
Speaker A:Go live your best life.
Speaker A:I can't wait to see you in class.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for tuning into this episode.
Speaker A:If you've enjoyed it, please like it on YouTube.
Speaker A:Share it with a friend.
Speaker A:Leave me a little review.
Speaker A:Tell me what you liked.
Speaker A:Let me know what has been helpful.
Speaker A:I will see you next Monday.
Speaker A:Stay healthy, wealthy and wise.
Speaker A:Bye.
